Latest stand-up videos
Best short quotes
I was on the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself, “I’m getting too old for this shit.”
[on John McCain] I don't need a president with a bucket list!
Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
I’m dangerously close to getting what I want. Feels a bit weird.
Apparently the guards put sperm in Paris Hilton’s porridge when she was in prison. That’s got to be horrible for her. “Eurgh! There’s porridge in this!”
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
Dick's and vagina's are like Coke and Pepsi, I strongly prefer one but my dad thinks they both taste the same.
I feel very very old. My hair hurts. I have buttocks all over my body and I can't even smoke properly any more. I don't have lungs, I just have two poppadoms in here.
I watched the footage of Saddam being executed, and it really made me think…is there nothing on the internet that I won’t masturbate to?
Don't feel bad for me. I think I'm, like, so pretty.
What is stand-up comedy?
Stand-up comedy is a performance for a live audience. Usually one or multiple performers called comics or stand-up comedians are speaking directly to their audience. Typically a performer tells a routine of jokes or funny monologue with various stories and anecdotes chained together.
It's not uncommon for acting, pantomime, magic tricks * or singing to be used to increase variety of such performance.
In United Kingdom stand-up comedy began gaining popularity in 18th century and raised many great performers like Arthur Askey, Max Miller and Ken Dodd. The comedians were heavily censored and had to get their act approved and adapted to the censorship.
