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Best short quotes
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver.
You know you're getting fat when your socks don't fit.
Let me tell you about gays in the military. I don't want any gay people hanging around me while I'm killing kids. I just don't want to see it.
Just go up to somebody on the street and say "You're it!" and just run away.
I tried water polo and my horse drowned... that was a nightmare.
Sure, the lion is king of the jungle, but airdrop him into Antarctica & he's just a penguin's bitch.
Most republicans are against contraception because they don't care about it. You can't get pregnant anally anyway.
We got so much food in America we're allergic to food. Allergic to food! Hungry people ain't allergic to shit. You think anyone in Rwanda's got a fucking lactose intolerance?!
What is stand-up comedy?
Stand-up comedy is a performance for a live audience. Usually one or multiple performers called comics or stand-up comedians are speaking directly to their audience. Typically a performer tells a routine of jokes or funny monologue with various stories and anecdotes chained together.
It's not uncommon for acting, pantomime, magic tricks * or singing to be used to increase variety of such performance.
In United Kingdom stand-up comedy began gaining popularity in 18th century and raised many great performers like Arthur Askey, Max Miller and Ken Dodd. The comedians were heavily censored and had to get their act approved and adapted to the censorship.
